the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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