this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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