I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
