Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
