Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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