I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
