Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I party with great urgency now.
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