you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
