neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
