My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize