i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
