first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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