the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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