My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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