she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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