dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
