you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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