And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize