you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
