My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
3 2 1 whiskey
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
