He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
