In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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