I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
