Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
