you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
