i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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