Christians are straight up FREAKS
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
