I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
