Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
