She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
