Just fell off a train. Bad.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
