you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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