another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
