Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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