Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
