so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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