The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
