i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
