Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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