A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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