K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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