Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
time to smoke my breakfast
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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