Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
