I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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