Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
