I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
