we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
