dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
