I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
is it fun? or sober?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
