3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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