Having a random hookup so left but love u
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
