got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
