She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
