So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
