I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the liver wants what the liver wants
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I supernannyed him into submission
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
