you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
