Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
