He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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