I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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