Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We need a shit load of segways right now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
