i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
