I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
