She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
