Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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