i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
