Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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