It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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