I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Drunk is not a location!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
