yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
